So You Wanna Die?

 

Honestly at first I hated the song. It basically said what people always told depressed people to do, stop being an attention whore and go and DO something. But when you’re depressed, you can’t just DO something. But at the end there’s a smaller message at the end when she finishes off. And that message is that someone cares about you.  In my opinion, the whole song is more of an inner thought than a friend talking. “If you wanna die, go ahead and die.” Those are words I can hear in my head sometimes. Along with “Stop craving attention,” and “Don’t keep saying one thing and doing another.” And because I tell myself these things, I think others are thinking them as well. Which is why I hid my arms at school. I didn’t cut for attention—and I heard that a lot in the hospital. It was a relief like any other. It just wasn’t alcohol or drugs.  At the end of the song, the singer reaches out to the one in need of help and tells her that she shouldn’t give up on her life, no matter what is said or done. To me, that’s very meaningful.

And if people ever wondered why I listened to Vocaloid songs, here it is. The big and mighty. The suicide rate in Japan is very, very high, so songs about depression or bullying aren’t rare at all in Vocaloid. Whereas music on the radio station is always about love or break up. What about the other problems in life? Love isn’t everything, you know.

Vocaloid is an example of a healthy escape for me. It reminds me I’m not alone in what I suffer. And when I listen to the words, I can hear a desperate call of support. I feel like my hand is being held when I listen to “Rolling Girl” because in the end of the video, the boy stops the girl from finishing herself off and holds her. I feel a sense of connection when I listen to “Bacterial Contamination” because if you have ever been bullied before, all those words would make sense to you.

I don’t delve in the fandom too much because I always end up seeing those people who are like “Homg, KaitoxMiku” and it’s sort of annoying to me because I find the beauty in the composers. Wowaka is my favorite, and I know that’s cliché, but a lot of his themes are based around depression and it’s helped me through the worst of my downs.  I guess that came out sounding a little pretentious, but I honestly do think the vocaloids are just instruments for the composers to use in order to portray their own thoughts, feelings, and stories. No, Miku does not have a set personality. Miku is what the composer makes Miku to be.

But I guess that’s my little ramble on Vocaloid.

This is available as a print now ! If you’re interested~

I love you all!

-BRIGGS